MOVIE WHORING

So as of 3 weeks ago, I am an MVP member at Hollywood video her in the obesity capitol of my heart. It doesn't take much...just $9.99 per month...but it gives so much...free rentals as long as the MVP sticker is on the cover (which includes select new releases and every older movie in the store). I am now a movie whore. Over the past three weeks I've rented several movies dealing with topics ranging from serial killer creation to global warming. Here are some short criticisms...

• An Inconvenient Truth (documentary) - despite Al Gore's unrelenting monotones and expressionless features, he succeeds at scaring the shit out of viewers with information hinting that we're on the verge of the most intense ice age in the history of man...unless we drive hybrids and conserve energy...

Rating 9/10 --> "See it for the children!!!"

• Who Killed the Electric Car? (documentary) - Yet another movie urging viewers to hate the present administration who is shoving foreign oil up our asses. It follows the inception, increasing popularity, then abrupt reclamation of the electric powered car in California. The investigation blames the guilty and made me wish I knew how to soup up all those golf carts I drove while I was a caddy

Rating 8/10 --> "Like a quiet ride?"

• Haven (drama) - This flick stars Orlando Bloom as a lovelorn caucasion living in some Caribbean island. His obsessions range from working on some dilapidated fishing boat to sexing up a native whose entire family wants to see him die. The movie also follows a parallel story involving Bill Paxton and some money laundering scheme that goes awry. The film succeeds at portraying the island as a dystopian Haven for those in search of love and non-extradition, but fails at composing any semblance of cohesion.

Rating 5/10 --> "Ever seen something that made you want to jump into an incinerator?"

• Click (comedy;drama) - This new Happy Madison production definitely exceeded my basement expectations. It was funny, clever, and depressing at parts. You also get to see Adam Sandler as a fat man which is cool. The movie was nominated for an Oscar for Best Makeup Effects. Christopher Walken makes a lengthy appearance as well and steals every scene as usual. Although Adam Sandler does his patented retardo-scream once or twice, it doesn't take away from his newly discovered acting abilities (et.al. Punch Drunk Love, Spanglish).

Rating 7/10 --> "I'm fat and will eat your babies, Shooter McGavin."


There will be more, but I have class in 30 mins and need to shower the stink off me.