Where Have all the Dart Players Gone?

I played darts tonight against the most worthy opponent in Springfield. This opponent just happened to be a femalion. I killed her in cricket, but she understood the rules and hit a mark or two a round. Why can't people play darts in the 'Field? I have a theory. I really do believe that incest is rampant in southern states, I know this is not a southern state since its still ILL-INI, but this feels south. The inbreeding here has mutated the human genetic hand-eye coordination gene and made into mongaloidic. These inbred organisms throw darts like Timmy from South Park. The only person seemingly interested in playing was some volleyball girl I met tonight, and although she lost, she won my heart. On a more interesting note, I discovered an amazing fact and I may patent it...if you suck on a breath mint while drinking beer, you can drink faster. It was proven tonight by me, who did not wanna drink at all until trying a Certs. Upon Certing, I chugged a beer and it tasted like water. Chemists rejoice in unison. Try it, live it, love it, but only in the company of friends who won't write on you. Good Night....and Good Luck.