WORKIN' IT

I'm at work right now and I'm so bored I'm thinking about tying a noose and hanging myself just to see how long I can stay alive. So far today, I've checked Facebook 10 times, MySpace twice, played some Yahoo Euchre, watched movie trailers, listened to some music, and watched TV. Next, I will go to my boss' apartment and help her move furniture out of her bedrooms so new carpet can be put in. Do I look like a fucking moving guy? Oh well...

Hopefully the Cardinals lose tonight so all these asshole Cards fan will shut the fuck up.

On a much more awesome note, intramural flag football has begun. If you read the post about the softball, its almost the same thing. There are a few good teams, but most are doing it just for fun which is cool. Then of course there are those cocky assholes who probably rode the bench on their high school football teams who like to talk shit. Well, we played one such team on Sunday. And after falling behind 14-0 early, my team ultimately won 43-33. I love when cocky people eat their words. Flag Football and lots of sports stuff has been the only saving grace on this God-forsaken garbage dump. Enjoy Life!!!!

'FIELD NEWS

In sports, the Goon Squad, the top rated intramural 12-inch softball team at UIS handed some other shitty team their final loss of the season. The final score of 17-11 is not indicative of the skill with which the Goons stomped the shitty team. The Goon Squad, playing with only 7 players, defeated a capable team with sharp liners through the gaps and mammouth blasts over the empty heads of the opposing outfielders. Starting 3rd Baseman Joe Maratto had this to say about the win: "I think I'll get a spicy chicken from Wendy's..." The Goon Squad didn't care about the score. They revelled in the comradery and shit-talking that composes intramural sports. Mere scoring does not sufficiently defuse the veral desire to murder the hope of opposing teams. Some loser had this to say about his team: "We really thought we had a chance, then they won. We felt dumb."

The fans knew they were witnessing something special when Goon shortstop Mike Fitzpatrick hit a hard groundball off the shin of an unsuspecting opponent. The shin had this to say: "What the fuck is wrong with this team! They practice all the time! Exercised! Lifted Weights! AND I GET HIT!!!! USe the fucking MITT you mediocre piles of fat-lady shit!! If you suck at sports, DON'T FORM A FUCKING TEAM!! This team needs a fucking labotomy and I need some ice, good day to you."

Overall, The Intramural Champion Goon Squad went 6-1, with the only loss coming as a forfeit due to hangovers. We expect great things from this up and coming squad of drunken, athletic jackasses.